The Real World: Hook-Ups

Review by Alysa Salzberg

(AlysaSalzberg@TheCinemaSource.com)

Just when you thought there wasn't anything disappointingly dull on TV anymore (let's pretend Rich Girls has been cancelled), here comes The Real World: Hook Ups DVD.

Like most people of my generation, I grew up with The Real World, from the actually quasi-real New York experience seen in the first season, to the equal parts drama and Ikea Chicago season (I didn't watch the orgy that was The Real World: Las Vegas, as I was in Paris, France, when it aired, and the current season, which takes place in Paris, I skipped for reasons of my own (if for some reason you're interested in these reasons, you can look up my review of The Real World You Never Saw: Paris, also on this site)). If nothing else is to be gathered from the more than ten years of episodes, one thing seems to be true: while the mindset of early '90's youth was individualistic and somewhat aware of current events and world problems, what the casts of the last years of the 20th, and beginning of the 21st century seem to be, or what viewers seem to want them to be, is a bunch of crazy, lazy, sexed-up individuals who take self-absorption to new levels. And, hey, why not?

It is with this blind egocentricism in mind (Look at me, I'm on TV! I'm arguing with my roommates! I'm…having sex!) that MTV brings us this DVD, a compilation of hook-ups that have happened over the show's history. A promising concept enough, if you're into that sort of thing. If you're not, you probably shouldn't bother watching TRW: Hook-Ups (unless dry-humping or moving mounds under bedspreads turn you on). Because this, my friends, is definitely one for the fans.

Our hosts for the DVD are the once-hot TRW: Miami's Dan (who, like the rest of his male counterparts who stop by, is dressed like the cast-members of In Living Color used to when pretending to be elementary school children — think bright, neon colors, faded jeans, and messy hair), and TRW: Back to New York's Coral (whose ample cleavage vies for attention with the lush decor of the set). Sitting comfortably on a cushiony, Moulin Rouge-like bed, they watch clips of the bad dates, romances, dancing, and very, very softcore porn-level action experienced by cast-members from all of the Real World seasons. While it may seem like a cool concept, because goodness knows The Real World's produced some humdingers of hook-ups over the years, a lot of the funny or bizarre ones (like the now-notorious Neil-french-kissing-a-guy-and-getting-half-his-tongue-bit-off fiasco from the London season), aren't included. Hell, we don't even get a shot of TRW: Hawaii's skankily luscious Ruthie table dancing. What kind of Real World DVD is this?! Instead, we get a

lot of stuff from the Chicago and Las Vegas (depravity!) seasons "” and, like the rest of it, most of what we get here isn't worth the trouble of renting or buying the DVD.

You see, there's something to be said for the idea of seeing other people hook up. But The Real World: Hook-Ups shows us no skin. We see nothing more of any of these liaisons than we saw on the shows themselves. Though they're so publicity-hungry, no one on The Real World seems to have forgotten to cover up when engaging in amorous activity. The most we see is a somewhat gross (underwear-on) buffalo shot of TRW: Chicago's Kyle as he makes sweet love to Keri. Thus, the viewer comes out of The Real World: Hook Ups experience with voyeuristic senses still unsatiated.

There are some interesting points to the DVD, though. First off, former cast-members Melissa (who was quirky and cute in New Orleans, and is now, as one of my roommates put it, "hottified"), Danny (from TRW: New Orleans; gorgeous as ever, and still with the mysterious Paul) Frank (TRW: Las Vegas), and Irulan and Alton (still a couple, after having met in the Las Vegas house), stop by to say hi and give their opinions. But it's Teck (TRW: Hawaii)'s little visit that is the best one "” for some bizarre reason, Coral and Dan seem strangely hostile towards the charismatic lothario. From some of the comments they make, it seems they're jealous of what success he's had. (For readers who share my opinion that the Surrealists are far more exciting than most of these Real World-ers, Teck is like the Salvador Dalí of the group.)

Another good thing is the advice Dan and Coral give us at the end of the DVD. To have a successful date and/or hook-up, two things you must remember, gleaned from the experience of cast-members: "Strap it up" (a.k.a. "No glove, no love," a.k.a. "Use protection.") and "Don't barf" (remember TRW: Back to New York's Nicole's ill-fated date with that guy?).

Perhaps the thing that pleased me most about the DVD is that it contains what I consider to be the second-best hook-up in the series' history (after the Neil tongue thing): TRW: Miami's Melissa and Mike's threesome in Dan's shower, with other cast-members trying to break in to look.

Besides this, though, there's not much else that's very grand about The Real World: Hook-Ups. Apart from the criticism I've already put down, here are three more things to find fault with:

1. Not enough gay/lesbian hook-ups. I say this sincerely "” gay and lesbian men and women have been a part of the show from day one. So why are there only two or three hook-ups shown for them, as opposed to the countless hook-ups of

straight cast members?

2. As the Real World specialists who watched the DVD with me complained, there's too much emphasis on the Paris cast, a group of people who they find boring. "No one cares about them," my friend Elaine groaned. Even this cast's hook-ups are relatively de rigueur.

3. The endless scene-after-scene montages, interspersed with more or less dull and dull-witted commentaries and mini-interviews got old pretty fast. Thank goodness the DVD wasn't any longer.

In the end, watching The Real World: Hook-Ups was a mixed bag for me. I laughed, I rolled my eyes, I yelled (especially at the Las Vegas chick who threw a fork at one of the guys because she was jealous he was happy with another girl "” What the hell is that???). And yet, I was somewhat bored — as I've said over and over, there was nothing really new or shocking here. With that in mind, I humbly suggest the following titles to MTV for future compilation DVD's:

The Real World: Drunken Scenes, The Real World: Hair and Fashion Review, The Real World: Greatest Fights, and, my personal favorite, The Real World: Fascinating and Bizarre Injuries. Gear up the Neil-losing-tongue footage!

Movie Review: C-

DVD Review: C

Overall Grade: C

Special thanks to Elaine Cedrone, Vicki Freedman, and Maren Severtson