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On Edge

Review by: Elaine Cedrone

ElaineCedrone@TheCinemaSource.com

My mother always says that things happen for a reason. Although I've always thought that my mom's logic was somewhat skewed, I must say that after viewing the DVD for On Edge, I have to agree with her. There was definitely a reason why this movie never made it to the theatres – it's ridiculously and horribly awful.

Shot in a mockumentary style á la This is Spinal Tap or Waiting for Guffman but lacking any of Christopher Guest's flair for wit or satire, On Edge (directed by Karl Slovin) follows Professor Robinson (Chris Hogan) as he documents the cutthroat competition to win figure-skating regionals at a hole-in-wall skating arena run by Yuri Moskivin (John Glover), a Vodka-swilling Russian running from the Mob. The three skaters fighting for the championship are plus-sized Wendy Wodinski (Marissa Jaret Winokur), wrong-side of the tracks J.C. Cain (A.J. Langer), and bulimic, belligerent Veda Tilman (Barret Swatek), whose demanding mother Mildred (Wendie Malick) forces her to skate when she'd rather be at cooking school. Lending some commentary is Zamboni Phil (Jason Alexander, with a really bad Southern accent), who keeps an eye on the competition but is secretly rooting for Cain to take home the gold.

The cast of mostly B and C-list actors are playing roles that we've seen them in before: A.J. Langer's troubled J.C. Cain is suspiciously similar to Rayanne in My So-Called Life, Wendie Malick's Mildred Tilman has got shades of Just Shoot Me's Nina Van Horn, and Kathie Griffith's quick turn as a pathetic, over-the-hill skater parallels her work in just about every reality show that she's been on. There are two (almost) exceptions; one is Jason Alexander, who despite this (and other) missteps can still be forgiven due his years on Seinfeld (although he is now officially on double secret probation). The other is the charming Marissa Jaret Winokur; while it's hard to think of her in a role in which her weight was not the central issue surrounding her character (including her hit-turn in the original cast of the Broadway smash "Hairspray"), I think this says more about the entertainment industry than it does simply about this film.

On Edge tries to do for the world of figure skating what A Mighty Wind did for folk singing and Best in Show did for dog competitions "” that is, brutally satirize it while still somehow giving it a playful nudge, if not of approval, than at least of acknowledgment. The problem is that unlike those films, On Edge brings us clichés that we've seen a million times before "” twins that do the same routine! The girl with the demanding mother who dreams to do the opposite of what her mother wants! The Russian

guy who drinks too much and has shady dealings with the Russian mafia! The guy who is repulsed "” yet ultimately attracted "” to fat girls!

Of course, like my mother says, everything happens for a reason, and perhaps ultimately, the reason for On Edge being released at all is the same as the reason for all laughably bad movies "” it's perfect for a drinking game. After all, renting it and buying a few cases of beer is cheaper than going out to a bar and safer than driving around party hopping. Not to mention, of course, you get to use your creativity determining rules for when to drink. Some of my suggestions:

-Every time Jason Alexander has a terrible line, drink (this alone could get you wasted, so be careful).

-Every time disgusting skating judge Ricky comes on, drink until he's off-screen so you won't have to look at him (but can still hear that voice!).

-Drink for each borderline cringe-worthy fat joke.

-Make like Yuri "” every time he takes a swig from his flask, follow suit.

-Every time you spot a cameo by an Olympic star (Kristi Yamaguchi, Peter Carruthers, and Tai Babilonia all make appearances!) take a drink.

-Chug a beer and then throw up when you figure out who Scott Hamilton plays.

-Each the camera pans away to a much skinnier person when Marissa Jaret Winokur skates, take a drink.

If you're still standing up after the movie, take a look at the (rather skimpy) DVD extras, which have two deleted scenes and an eight-minute interview with A.J. Langer, Marissa Jaret Winokur, and Barret Swatek. The actresses come across good-humored, funny, and genuinely excited to have been in the film, so I feel bad continuing the game through their interviews. However, for the sake of being jerky, if you can handle it, take it drink every time one of the others looks like they want to speak but A.J. Langer is talking, or when one of them says the word "yeah."

Movie Grade: D-

DVD Grade: D

Drinking Game Grade: A

Overall Grade: C-

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