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First things first, it should be addressed that Megan Fox, though attractive, is not the glowing goddess that some people regard her as. The mere fact that she is somewhat of an A-list actress is upsetting being that her claim to fame is the love interest of Shia LeBeouf in Transformers, and her over-rated esthetics. With that said, there is no individual on this planet who is physically breath taking enough to be the soul interest of an entire film: there needs to be something more, even in the smallest sense.

A quirky teen-drama/horror is what we have on our plate with Jennifer’s Body, and if any one writer could pull something like that off, my money would have been on Diablo Cody; the writer of Juno. Now instead of pregnant teenagers, Cody has addressed the issue of teenage succubi – that’s the kind of issue where, if it hasn’t happened to you, you know someone it’s happened to. Needy (Amanda Seyfried) is the average looking best friend of school hotty, and master manipulator, Jennifer (Megan Fox). Not only is Jennifer a bad friend, but she is also the source of the town’s cannibalistic murders ever since she was in a botched sacrifice.

You always say it can never happen to you; then one day you tell the wrong satanic indie-rock band that you’re a virgin, then they take you out into the woods under that false pretence and you’re stuck eating people to sustain the hunger of the evil forces inside of you. Obviously this plotline isn’t’ meant to be something overly relatable to teens and actually represents the passively malicious mentality of teenage girls. Jennifer is your typical promiscuous girl who can have – and by have I mean EAT – any guy she wants, and Needy is her plain Jane best friend who sticks with her boyfriend.

What makes all of this awkward is that it all seems like the people who made this movie never actually went to high school, but instead just watched a lot of Disney Channel and ABC Family teen shows. Every side character, and even the main characters to some degree, are just caricatures of what made everyone so angst ridden in their teen years. There are emo-kids who talk about how everything is dark and look like Tim Burton dressed them, and then there are football players who constantly look dumbfounded. The insertion of the word “indie” throughout the entire movie was probably the most annoying part. We all know that indie is popular and people want to live in on long iPod commercial, but give it a rest. Indie music is only popular because the music industry bastardized popular music, but now it’s just going to do the same thing to independent bands.

Even though the bands placement in the film was

frustrating, they supplied the only really clever scene in the film. When Jennifer recaps the incident in the woods one of the band members questions making a pact with the devil to hit it big, the lead singer then goes on a rant about how hard it is to make it as an indie band right now because of how commonplace it all is. He says, “…if you don’t get on Letterman or some retorted soundtrack, you’re screwed.” They also retrieved their satanic ritual from the internet, and before bludgeoning a knife into Jennifer, the sing some Tommy Tutone.

Before arriving at this witty moment, you first have to sit through over an hour of clichés and incredibly annoying, rhyming saying that don’t make any sense from the mouth of Megan Fox. I don’t care what anyone says, “where’s it at Monistat?” is neither cute, nor is it something anyone with any sort of linguistic skills would say. It gets to a point where there is nothing else the film has to offer but Megan Fox‘s sex appeal. We don’t have much in this film, not even special features. All we end up getting is the title, Jennifer’s Body.

Movie Grade: D

DVD Features Grade: F

Overall Grade: D-