Of all the Pixar franchises to make a sequel out of, they had to choose Cars. Why? I have no idea. I’m not saying the original was bad—on the contrary, it was really rather good, but in my opinion it just wasn’t up to Pixar’s usual standard of excellence. So when Cars 2 was announced, my first thought really wasn’t, “Oh boy! A sequel!” It was really more of a “Why the heck didn’t they make a second Incredibles movie?” sentiment. While the new installment is arguably better than the first, that doesn’t make it good, and it still doesn’t come through in classic fashion.

My main problem with the first Cars movie was Mater. Voiced by Larry the Cable Guy, Mater is easily one of the most irritating, frustratingly stupid characters to be invented in quite some time. I did not find him lovable. I did not find him fascinating. I simply wanted to be as far away from him as possible. I, therefore, was in for a rather rough shock when I realized a few minutes into the film that Mater was to be the star character. I groaned audibly.

See, the problem is that I don’t find rednecks particularly funny. I find them crass and frustrating, representing everything that is wrong with backwards, white American attitudes. When you have one of these characters traveling all over the world, it is not a good combo, for obvious, race-sensitive reasons. This, however, is the premise of the film, because Lightning McQueen (Owen Wilson) is to race all over the world in the World Grand Prix, and he’s bringing Mater along for the ride. Lord help us all.

The side story is one of international espionage, except instead of people, we have cars doing the dastardly stunts. It works pretty well, mostly thanks to the glory that is Michael Caine, voicing the lead British Intelligence agent. Honestly, he’s the only reason I was able to sit through the movie: he’s so awesome and wonderfully captivating that his sequences were just really, really cool. If I closed my eyes, I was able to imagine I was watching a Batman movie (note to film studios: this is a major plus to any film).

The thing that made the first Cars movie so redeemable was that, underneath all the hick dialogue, bravado, and (shudder) Nascar sequences, there was a great heart to the movie, a humbling story about a racer learning that there’s more to life than coming in first. It’s a good sentiment, and one that everybody needs to be reminded of once in awhile. That, above all else, was what made Cars great. The problem with the sequel is that it doesn’t have anything quite like that. Oh, sure, it tries really hard—there are messages of friendship and how it concerns accepting all of a person, overcoming people’s opinions of

you, etc, etc—but it’s Mater who’s going through these realizations. Mater. A character whose number one joke is rhyming his name, “Tow Mater,” with “tomato.” It’s just hard to take it seriously.

So the movie isn’t exactly winning any awards, that’s for certain. But what about the special features? Well, there really aren’t too many, for starters, but even the ones that are present aren’t exactly sensational. First off, we have a director’s commentary with John Lasseter, which is pretty cool—the guy is the mastermind behind almost every single Pixar gem, but then again, I have a pretty low opinion of commentaries in general. The only good one I’ve ever heard was for the VeggieTales movie, and that was hilarious because it just had three of the main actors improvising throughout the entire thing. It was phenomenal. The problem with most commentaries is that directors aren’t actors for good reason: they’re better behind the camera rather than in front of it, so having them ramble on for 2+ hours while distracted by a colorful film really isn’t great entertainment. Lasseter is awesome, yes, but commentaries? Blech.

The other two special features are the animated shorts that come with the film. The Cars-themed one, called “Air Mater,” is bad. It’s just ridiculous, in classic Cars fashion, and it’s not particularly funny. It just gives Mater another negative quality: congratulations! He’s a compulsive liar, too! Whoop de doo. The other one is a Toy Story short, entitled “Hawaiian Vacation,” which I have mixed feelings about. On the one hand, it’s not a bad short, but on the other hand, it’s utterly campy, and it’s adding something to the Toy Story universe, a story that was wrapped up in such beautiful fashion that it just should not be touched ever again. But I’m a purist.

So if you have kids, they’ll probably want to see Cars 2, if they haven’t already, but if they want to have repeated viewings, I suggest you quietly introduce them to something more like Toy Story, A Bug’s Life, or Ratatouille. There’s just nothing here that’s exceptional.